Today was, in fact, a really bad day. I think it all started with my desire to get up and get out to a store really early and wondering and then being angry at my children for not jumping on my boat. Things just went downhill from there through grocery shopping to school work to sick Noodle. Anyway, after concluding furiously that the children needed to go to public school and that homeschool just wasn't working- I decided I needed to do some reevaluation.
I realized that I am not very good at starting again- meaning letting things go and moving forward. I also realized after talking with my sister that I expect my children and myself to be "perfect." I don't think that I even have a standard or a non-changing set of rules. I just don't want any of us to do anything loud, wrong, embarassing, etc. It is embarassing to say, but I think I have been judging our family (especially the kids) on what I think others are thinking of them- which then reflects directly back to me (in my idea). I think that I usually think the worst of them, even when others just look at them as kids doing kid things- I see them as MY kids being crazy, rude and obnoxious. It is unfair to them for sure, as I do not look at other children and think "Wow, they don't know how to stand still and hold onto the cart in a store, or write their name perfectly, or think their questions are crazy" I just think they are kids and most of the time they are cute and showing their personality. Why can't I do the same for my kids? Or even myself? Anyway, I know that my attitude needs to change for sure- why not give my own kids the same benefit of just being kids? It is a hard for me to admit that really it is my own perception of things that needs to change, not my children, as they really are cute, wonderful, intelligent kids. Sure they are not perfect, but (HA!) neither am I and I have had about 20 more years to work on "being perfect." All in all, I need to relax about a LOT of things. I think I need to realize that my days probably won't go exactly as planned and that those days can still be good, worthwhile days. I know things won't change overnight, but I am hoping realization will help me to calm down about how things go with them at school and otherwise. I sure hope so, I don't think I or they can take another "Monster Mom" day.
Hey kiddo, love you :)
ReplyDeleteThose days are so hard! I feel your pain for sure! Reading this reminded me of a post fron last year on my friend Mar's blog http://insidethewhitehouse.blogspot.com/2008/11/lowering-my-expectations.html Sorry I don't know how to embed the link. There is a good followup too, http://insidethewhitehouse.blogspot.com/2008/12/my-expectations-are-being-met.html
ReplyDeleteI have tried lately to be more diligent about remembering that I do have pretty great kids. They drive me to the edge, sure, but I'm pretty sure I like them more than any of the other kids I know. :o)
Aw crap, that should say "my friend Mary's". I'm not so good at 1-handed typing!
ReplyDeleteWow...that sounds so familiar. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks those things. ;) We all have our days.
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