As I have been pondering this, I was thinking about the Lord and how He sees me and my children. I realized that by trying to be "perfect", not attaining that and then getting completely [angry, frustrated, depressed- choose one] I was in fact, being very imperfect by not accepting the Lord's Atonement in my behalf. Instead of repenting and getting better, I was simply digging myself deeper into a non-Christlike attitude. I think the Lord loves me and my children. I just need to think that all the time, even when things are not perfect.
I also realized that by focusing on all the things that didn't go right, I didn't ever look at the things that did go right. Even on Monday- I got the grocery shopping done, we did do some school, and housework. That is not fancy or a ton of stuff- but hey, why not be happy about it? I have been taught this so often, I wonder how I have lived thus far and still have trouble seeing all my blessings- which when you look- makes me think of the scripture "My cup runneth over." My family and I have been blessed so abundantly, everyday, that if those were the things I focused on, I think even my worst days would take a drastic turn for the better. I really have been given so many blessings.
There was an interesting article in the Ensign that came in the mail yesterday titled "Truths and Lies" (Ensign, October 2009, pgs. 62-65) I think it was written for me. Here is one the things it said:
Lie: I need to prove that I'm worth loving by being perfect. Only when I'm perfect will I be able to experience love from God and others.
Truth: Even though I'm not perfect now, I can have constant access to divine love.
The author writes of some of the ways she fell into this trap and then ends with a quote from Bonnie D. Parkin, former Relief Society President. "Although we can make choices that enable us to experience a heightened or a lesser degree of Gods's love, we can and should be partaking of God's love now, even- and especially- in our imperfect state. We are worth loving because Christ thought we were of enough worth to atone for us individually."
I am grateful for the Lord who loves me and keeps going along with me as I learn and relearn all this.
I'm not usually into these types of books, but I really enjoyed The Holy Secret. Have you read it? It brought home the point to me that life/perfection isn't all about BEING perfect in our actions, it is about changing our hearts and committing ourselves to Christ. The actions (commandments, etc) are supposed to aid our journey to purify our hearts, but instead we get caught up in the "Oh, I am not perfect at ____, therefore I am not worthy to have a relationship with Christ." That's backwards, once we have the relationship, we will have the strength to keep the commandments, and we won't beat ourselves up when we falter. Anyways, kind of what you are saying, just more rambling and nonsensical, right?
ReplyDeleteI am really enjoying reading your thoughts. I appreciate people who are willing to "put themselves out there" in their blogs, rather than just a showcase of what cool stuff they've done. :o)
Great post--I read something that Pres. Hinckley quoted the other day, "Remember that man's greatness does not lie in perfection, but in striving for it." Like you said, we don't have to be perfect to experience God's love or to be great, we simply need to be striving to be better and appreciating what we have--in those efforts we are great. I personally think you are fabulous and wouldn't have been able to make it through the last year without you and your willingness to listen to all my craziness. I love you, sis!
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